Oxford Commas and the Wonderful World of Punctuation

Today I have taken it upon me to detail the undeniable supremacy of the Oxford comma, the most essential grammatical feature that you will ever encounter. Also known as the serial comma, an Oxford comma is, according to Oxford itself, “a comma used after the penultimate item in a list of three or more items, before ‘and’ or ‘or’ (e.g. an Italian painter, sculptor, and architect).”

Amateur grammarians may be wondering what the necessity for Oxford commas is. Consistency? Clarity? An insatiable thirst for punctuation, even when excessive? The answer is all of the above.

Consistency is a key factor, because if all other list items use a comma, there’s no logical reason to omit it from the end of the list. Clarity, in select cases, is also a consideration. When the last two items are not separated by a comma, it appears as though they are related in some way and should thus be considered one item. Or, maybe the last two items are a subset of the previous item. Consider "the pigs, John and Joe" vs. "the pigs, John, and Joe" — the question becomes whether or not John and Joe are pigs.

Let’s examine an example of not using Oxford commas:

“There were several boxes, containing dogs, hamsters, cats and gerbils.”

Are the cats and gerbils contained within one box? Besides the fact that animals should not be kept within boxes in general, putting a predatory feline in a box with a meek gerbil is probably not a good choice. In this case, the Oxford comma could result in the death of this poor rodent.

Aside from the practical problems, though, notice the distinctly repulsive air of this sentence. Surely even grammar-apathetic citizens of the world can detect a whiff of distaste, or at least the vague uneasy sense that the sentence has not reached its full potential. Call me a traditionalist, but I find the look of this sentence frightful and, frankly, appalling. Many a work of great writing has been substantially reduced in quality by a single missing comma.

Make no mistake: Oxford commas should not be a discretionary stylistic choice, a mere matter of opinion, a dispensable accessory that uses extra ink. No, Oxford commas are not optional.